2017 - The year of making up

2016 had been quite a storm. To say this is perhaps an understatement but I guess us Asians are humble and bragging about being tough is never good, especially when you were the first generation considered to be out of poverty and had all the privileges that were unheard of.

2016 was the year when I wrote the phrase 'Dance like nobody's watching' over and over again. If there is nothing I take away from university and growing up, at least I recognise growing up means you are forced to admit (despite all the schooling you had) you are still pretty useless. Burst that pretty bubble, baby. If you were not that great at something, you probably would not have people watching you. And that was me throughout the year.

To make up that insecurity, I transformed into a different person: mean, loud, arrogant, ill-mannered…you name it. I became so defensive I felt as if the whole world was against me. I refused to listen, I decided that everyone was against me and I became such a joker of myself.

When I was so confused and was completely knocked down, there were my lovely friends to support me. They listened, they were slow to speak and they listened even more. Being listened to was such a comfort. I grew up with a very anxious father who had deadlines for me to hit even as a kid and the anxiety grew on me too. They told me it is okay to be sad and it is completely normal to feel let down. I owe these people so much to pick up the beat again.

Notice how I have not mentioned my family? Don't get me wrong, I do love them. They have done their bits, to some extent. However, I realised they have long brushed their emotions down the carpet and have ignored (or refused) to cater for their emotional needs. They are straight-forward people taking no non-sense. I'm sure employers and colleagues like this sort of people, not so much as a family member. For them to feel and admit to being unhappy and confused was a failure. I can remember as a child phoning my parents when I was upset, all I had was 'Don't be such a crybaby. Pick yourself up and get going' before phone was put down again. 

Not intending to make this a sob story, this is not X-Factor here ;)

Since I have picked up the beat again, I decided this is the year to make it up for myself: Don't pretend you are okay when you are not. Speak up when you need help. I am going to make it up by being honest to my emotions. Adele said in her 25 album that it was a 'make-up' record after the previous 'break-up' album, I wish to do this too. Let words and music do the healing.

Let's get dancing.